Sometimes a Good Bottom Scratch Is All That’s Wanted 

You have to know what you want.

The house we are currently sitting for is a nice town house in a suburb just outside of a main town. There are lots of walks nearby, and that’s good because Lulu is a big independent dog, who loves nothing more than to run around and to have a little fun. I think that’s true of most of us to be fair.  

She’s really good at being a demonstration of ‘ask for what you want’.  

She loves nothing more than a good bottom scratch. She will happily be sat on her own, doing her own thing, then will suddenly get the urge to have ‘company’ – her way to do this is to walk up to me,  look at me and then do a 180 degree turn in the time it takes a breath, and reverse herself back into my legs. She knows what she wants, and she is clear in saying so.  

I think we can all learn from that. The clarity of knowing what you want AND knowing how to demonstrate / say that you want it is something that most of us struggle with. It’s the combination that leads to a good result, yet that’s what many find hard. I see it break down into three parts:  

• Sometimes it’s the uncertainty of knowing the direction or the ‘thing’ we want to create – most of us don’t take enough time out to really know.   

• Much of the time, it’s being able to articulate it in such a way that people understand.  

• Finally, it’s batting away the mind-gremlins that show up when we go to ask for what we want. 

I find in the course of my coaching people that it’s this last one that really scuppers many. You know what you want, you’ve worked out the best words in which to say it, but you’ve not yet got up the courage to say it.  

I get people to rehearse saying the words out loud. But that’s the last step. First, I get them to ‘see wider’ – to understand the implications of getting what they want. Most of us determine what we THINK we want, without really identifying what that might mean for us beyond the short term, or evaluating what the impact is of how we (now) show up.   

Much of the time, it’s the perspective that creates the doubt, the creates the hesitation, that stops us asking.  

My invitation this week is to notice which of the three stages that stops you getting what you want. I’d love to know. And if you get stuck on any of them, let me help you get the clarity – in knowing what you want, in articulating it and in addressing any gremlins. It’s what I do best.  

Meanwhile, do your best to ‘be more Lulu’!